Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
