Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
