It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize