I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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