oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
