Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
