My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
