Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
