We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize