shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
