note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Randomize
