I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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