I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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