I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Randomize
