And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
