omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
