Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
