he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Also, beer. Big fan.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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