Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
