I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
