mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
