She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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