Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
