i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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