Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Randomize