sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I want her autograph on my taint
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
