Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
