who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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