Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
