Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Barsexuality is the new black.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
