I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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