masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
