don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
