I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
