I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
there is puke in my bra ... again
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