508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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