just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
