Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
