is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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