But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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