Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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