I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
