Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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