HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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