Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Randomize
