The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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