today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize