My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
