Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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