I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
