You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Randomize
