i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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