i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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