I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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