So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
