We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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