so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize