The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
