So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
The Olympian is in my bed
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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