I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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