I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
