I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Randomize
