Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
