Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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