this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Green mimosas i think yes
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
