white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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