btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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