i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Randomize
